Hargai dia sebelum terlambat..

2 years ago i come to contact with this guy. Kitorg sama sekolah rendah and masa dulu la darjah 6 dulu crush bodoh bodoh jeee haha. Lepastu masuk smk we got separated. I remembered time f1 dia minta my number through fb messenger 😂 lepas tu senyap je. Then idk kebetulan ke jodoh ke allah nak temukan tu ada je caranya kan, my classmate is his tuition mate soo dia dok kirim kirim salam kat kita, kita pun balas la salam dia. Dh bnyk sgt salam dikirim, i pun gather up my courage pi tegur dia kat whatsapp. Surprisingly sgt sgt i still have his number, time ni dah dok terpikir, jodoh kuat ni sabo baru form 5 😂 then saya tegur lah dengan.. "hahahahahahahahaha hi..."

Kat situ la mula segalagalanyaa hahaha. Masatu ada problem sikit dgn ex (alhamdulillah skrg dah solved everything). And masatu atas dasar kawan lama je, tnya khabar etc cs we were friends then suddenly lost contact centu je. Entah macam mana i got back with my ex tp tak lama dlm 1 month centu je. While we got back dalam masa yang sekejap tu, this guy langsung tk ws i dah. He respected me so much. Then after a month he heard about what happened, and tried to calm me down. He always respect me and my decision. Tak penah tergesa gesa, tak penah paksa i. I knew da suka i dari day1, tapi tak penah dia push i utk sukakan dia. Tak penah make me feel uncomfortable. I tak pernah jumpa a guy like that, so i was startled. And i started to have feelings after time goes on and on.

Our first non-official date, is during ramadhan. And im shameless guys.. and i actually ajak him to go out for iftar with a cheesy pick up line.. "nak iftar dengan i tak? Iftarnak takpela..." and he was like "seriously you? Seriously?? Bila bila???"
Happy gila ok bila reaction dia mcm tu. Then we start to debate nak makan mana. Dia ni suka sgt makan ayam, so ok kita pegi chicken rice shop na, walaupun mahai 😂

Excited dia haritu takyah cite ah. I wore my best baju my best tudung my best errthingg. Pakai perfume pesemua hahaha. I ingat lagi that day i ada class tuition actually. Then class ended at around 6 mcm tu and i ajk my friend (which is his schoolmate) nak pegi book tempat. Dorang semua tekejut la weehh i nak keluar ngan mamat ni. I pun tekejut nebes semua ok 😂

Then while waiting for him ya allah dia punya debar debar tu tkyah cakap la.. i remember masa dia sampai tu terkinja kinja do i.. hahaha i excited gila nak jumpa dia. I cam takleh duk diam. And i was nervous nak mampus. Time ni dh leh nampak kot perasaan i kat dia cane. Pastu it took soooo damn long for me to gather my courage and jumpa dia. Imagine, that time i kenal dia dah 5 tahun but i tak penah ckp ngan dia ftf. And now im meeting him dengan perasaan ceni?? Ottokkeeeee hahaha.

After that, we jumpa. Surprisingly banyak gila benda kitorg borak. And he is not as what i think he is. I igt dia cam pendiam gila and tkkan ckp ngan i and i act thought i would regret this sebab akan jd awkward gila but takk. Dia sangat friendly and talkative. Ada je benda dia nak borak. And i tk penah selesa mcm tu dengan org for the first time. My wish for that day was for the time to pass by slowly. I ingat time tu dekat traffic light, i pandang je dia drive. Sumpah i dah fall hard. He is just so different.

After that night everything changes, kitorg selalu call, jumpa quite frequently. Dia selalu amik dri sekolah hntr gi tuition. Kitorg takda hari we declare we like each other, tapi ada la satu hari tuuu dia finally asked me to be his girlfriend, or "queen" 😂😇

We have lotsaaa fun tgt guys. Kitorg study together, makan makan together, movies. Tapi more to study la sebab senior year kan that time. Then time my high school graduation, he came with flowers 😂😭 i sumpah terharu nak mampus ok that was the first time i dpt bunga dari orang. And that day jugalah i bagithu my mom psl dia. I cakap kat my mom.. i suka gila dia ni, i nak kahwin ngan dia 😭

Masa birthday i, dia buat surprise dengan kawan kawan i, kat rumah i!! Bagi bunga lagi. Haih sumpah i rasa mcm the luckiest girl ever weh :/ i sumpah always feel like i dont deserve him sometimes 😭😭 time dia nak ajak i keluar, dia jumpa mama papa i and kena soal jawab 😂😂 last last gi dating mama papa bawak, romantic ngat ngat 🤔😂😂

Masa i masuk college, cam dah susah sikitt. Sampai bulan 3 kitorg bnyk jumpa, after that dia pun masuk college and jarang jumpa dah. Masing masing busy. Banyak cabaran but he always try his best to be there for me. I ingat time i tgh exam dia teman i sampai habis exam, duk kat library main laptop. Pastu bawa i gi makan, sebab i stress. Hahaha.

I dulu clingy and a bit psycho. Not too much, but i am scary. I clingy nak mampus and i acknowledged that i kongkong dia gak sometimes bila dia nak gi main futsal ke lepak memalam ke apa i cam halang dia. I call dia nonstop making him annoyed. I mengaku dulu bnyk gila kitorg gaduh psl benda benda ni tapi love so strong guys.. that time nothing could break us apart.

Ok time kitorg punya anniv, dia buat surprise lagi... i tk thu how he do it, tapi dia ada je duit he could spend on me. I selalu rasa bersalah sebab gave him nothing. Im like a really poor college student guys.. hahaha. We had korean for lunch and he gave me an eyeshadow pallette yang sampai skrg i love and cherish sooooo much. Probably the best pallette that ive owned.

Dia study tak lama, 6 bulan centu je. And dia tak kerja sampaiii bulan 12 hahahaha. Time my birthday, he gave me a promise ring. After a year+, he finally promises his love for me. You guys. Perasaan nak nangis time dia bagi ring tu, i takleh explain. Smpi skrg i tengok cincin ni, i tk percaya. And as always i sgt sgt bersalah, sebab time his birthday i tkleh nak buat apa apa sgt, im so broke. And i cam malu sgt. But he always like tell me how its ok and how he accept all the small gifts i make for him.

But hari tak sentiasa cerah, bukannya hari hari ada rainbow en. 2017 is the worst year for us. I went to intern, i stress, i buat hal, in other note, i fucked up, and i lose everything guys. 2017, kitorg busy nak mampus. I start intern kat kl, dia dah start kerja everyday. Both of us dpt one day off, and off day tk sama since both of us is in f&b industry. I wasnt playing fair bila i selalu ckp kat dia, i kerja hari hari ulang alik kl shah alam naik train, i kerja sampai malam.. i bnyk ungkit kt dia. I wasnt being fair at all guys. I ckp dia tak penah ada effort utk ajak i keluar, ajak jumpa, contact i. I was being so freaking immature. I tak thu what was blinding me but i was. Sampai skrg i mengaku salah salah yg i dah buat. After everything yg dia buat utk i, i sia sia kan mcm tu je. Just sebab i stress. Selfish gila i time tu.

Selfish selfish i pun, i masih tunggu dia everyday after kerja despite sampai rumah dh lambat. Everyday tunggu dia sampai pukul 12/1. Try to actually talk to him. But we always fail to talk. And im always pissed at it. That time kan, mcm everything tak kena. I thu it wasnt supposed to be that way but.. mmg semua benda tk kena for me. Bodoh gila i time tu.

And that time i tak tahan sangat, i minta break. Sumpah, worst decision ive ever made in my entire life. You guys, dont ever break up while still loving each other. If u guys masih sayangkan each other but ada problem, solve it guys. Jgn ambil langkah cepat, cs it wont solve anything. It make things worst. Bayangkan having to let go what you build almost 2 years together mcm tu je.

After break up we still contact and dia baik sgt guys. Dia amik i kalau i takda transport balik, dia hantar i kalau i dh lambat ke apa. I ingat time i pergi hntr mak ayah i ke russia, pagi tu dia dari shah alam, amik i kat klia and hntr ke kl.. and he was working that afternoon. At the thought of it now buat i nangis gila gila. Mcm mana baiknya dia. And mcm mana i siasiakan dia. I blame myself a lot guys.

And all over again shit happen, and i tersilap langkah when i decided to do a rebound on. Its a disgrace guys. I tak pernah suka rebound. I tak pernah suka org yang buat rebound. Tapi diri sendiri yang buat. I was lonely and mcm, semua benda tk kena. And this guys was the closest i have with me. I sumpah bodoh and tried to open my heart to him. Bila i know time tu my heart is completely still with my loving ex. I tak tahu apa yang menghalang i. Padahal everyday i dok terfikir pasal dia, even kalau i lepak dengan mamat rebound tu i cite pasal dia, nangis pasal dia. Even mamat rebound tu suruh i pegi balik kt dia. Tapi i tk thu apa yg halang i, untuk minta dia peluang kedua.

Day by day i bertambah bodoh. I show off my happiness on social media with the rebound guy, and that hurt my baby so much. That hurt him too much. Bila i fikir skrg, sumpah i was inhuman. I dont know apa yang i fikir time tu. What was i thinking. What was i doing. I lost gila.

2 tahun dia jaga i, 2 tahun dia jaga hati i. Dia jaga hati i sgt sgt. Tak penah kaitkan perempuan lain, tak penah bandingkan i dengan perempuan lain. Setia dia, mmg i dont deserve it. Setinggi mana sayang i kat dia, i dont deserve him at all. Skrg bila i dengar kes curang, baca psl kes curang, i terasa sgt sgt. It all come back to me. I perangai serupa binatang. Walaupun technically i tk curang, but u guys will never know the feeling of sakitkan hati orang yang you sayang, and orang yang sayangkan you.

Till now i menyesal, till not i am out of words. Till now i am lost.

Menyesal skrg takde guna. Appreciate the people in your life before its too late. Apology means nothing when trust are broken.

Renungkan. Sampai sekarang, everytime i solat i nangis doakan dia, doakan kita. I cried begging Allah utk kembalikan dia balik kat i. I cintakan dia lebih dari segalanya. Tapi dah terlambat. I still pray the best for us, moga moga jodoh kami kuat, mcm dulu.

23 bulan dan masih mencintai.

23 bulan dan masih mencintai.

Walaupun semua kenangan terindah dengan kau dah berakhir, aku tetap sayang kau dan cintakan kau. Gila kan?

Cinta. Satu perkataan yg sangat besar, agung, boleh dikatakan aku sendiri jarang guna ayat ni.

Tapi bila aku ckp aku cintakan kau, aku tak tipu. Betul, sungguh. Mulanya rasa mcm, agak kekok guna perkataan cinta. Sebab dulu, aku tk thu apa maksud cinta. Dan aku tak tahu betapa kuatnya perkataan tersebut.

23 bulan dan masih mencintai. 23 bulan, sangat, sangat lama. Aku masih teringat zaman kau ngorat aku.. mmg tak hengat punya. Hari hari kau tnya khabar, ajak keluar itu ini. Hati aku sangat sangat teruja ada org sayang aku mcm ni. Aku happy sangat dengan kau.

Kira kira 19 bulan selepas tu, kita berpisah. Sedih, sesal semua ada. Aku sayangkan kau. Aku cintakan kau.

Maafkan aku atas semua kesalahan aku.. terimalah aku balik kedakapan mu.

kenangan yang terindah

Tersenyum, aku scroll gambar gambar kita, gambar gambar kau. Ke mana pergi semua kenagan kenangan tu?

Sesal yang aku lalui, tak payah cakap lah. Memang menyesal sangat sangat. Menyesal sebab membuat keputusan terburu-buru, menyesal sebab terlalu mempercayakan orang, menyesal sebab tak try untuk faham kau.

Banyak sangat salah yang aku dah buat. And I bet kau takkan maafkan aku sampai bila bila. Macam macam aku try untuk dapatkan kau balik, macam macam effort aku dah buat. But it seems like kau nak pandang aku pun kau taknak, jijik sangat aku ni di mata kau. Benci sangat kau dekat aku.

Kini aku menyesal, aku baca conversation lama.. aku tengok gambar lama. Aku menangis semalaman.. hidup aku tak tenang, tak sempurna.. tak macam dulu. Aku hilang permata.. permata yang aku sayang. Kau lah yang aku sayang..

"About 2 years ago, we started talking. You liked me, aku selalu dpt rasakan benda tu. Aura kau lain. Kau sukakan aku, kau usaha nak dptkan aku. Pagi petang kau tnya khabar. Dan yg peliknya, nak kenal balik tu tak lama, tak kaku, kita borak macam dah kenal 10 tahun. Walhal kenal dh lama, tapi tk pernah berckp mcm ni, mcm kita tahu isi hati satu sama lain. Kau ada masa aku susah, masa aku senang, masa aku sedih, masa aku sakit hati. Aku berterus terang, aku mmg dh lama terjatuh. Tapi aku tknak rush. Bila ex aku dptkan aku balik, kau respect aku dan kau bagi aku space dgn ex aku. Masa aku berpisah dgn ex aku buat kali kedua, aku sedih tapi kau ada dgn aku. Kau dgr problem aku. Kau happykan aku. Aku tk takut nak survive, sebab aku ada kau. Kita kenal each other through whatsapp je but it make a big difference to me. Sebelum aku bersama dgn kau, aku pernah ckp kt diri aku; bila aku dh dpt kau, aku takkan lepaskan kau, aku akan sayangkan kau sepenuh hati aku, aku akan kahwin dgn kau, aku akan happy dgn kau. Kau la org pertama yg aku tk pernah confess tapi mungkin sebab kita dh tahu hati masing masing, we went on with it. Aku sangat selesa dgn kau. Dulu sayang kau lain, tapi to be fair dulu aku tk segila sekarang.. aku hnya gilakan kau sorg je. Aku igt lagi betapa nervousnya aku bila nak cerita psl kau dkt mak ayah aku. Buat kali pertama aku bgitau dorg aku dh ada teman lelaki.. aku bgitahu dorg aku nak kahwin dgn dia ni.. aku sukakan budak ni. Our dates have always been dalam senyap sebab zaman sekolah aku masih dalam bulatan tersendiri. Aku enjoy belajar dgn kau, aku enjoy ajar kau. Cinta aku terhadap kau makin lama makin melonjak. Makin lama makin sayang aku dkt kau.. makin lama makin aku tknak letgo kau. Takde siapa boleh tandingi kau. Kau sayangkan aku lebih dari segalanya. Aku cintakan kau lebih dari segalanya. Bila aku masuk belajar kau risau aku tkde masa utk kau, kau risau aku akan kenal dgn orang lain dn lupakan kau. Tapi all that tk pernah jadi sebab kau amik masa utk jumpa aku walaupun aku yg paksa. Kau amik masa nak lepak dgn aku, teman aku study, kenal kawan kawan aku. Kau lain, dan aku tergilakan kau lagi dan lagi. Masa aku start 2nd semester aku lalui ujian yg agak ketara. Sorang budak yg sangat kaya,yang ada segala galanya cuba utk dapatkan aku. Tapi sekali pun aku tk pernah buta dgn apa yg dia ada, dgn apa yg dia mampu which is almost segalanya. Dia ada semua, duit, kereta, rumah, future yang terang tp dia takda hati aku. Dia try la macam mana pun aku tetap buta, aku tetap nampak kau je. Aku tk pernah bgtau kau sebab aku thu kau akan sakit.. tapi masa birthday aku dia ajk aku keluar makan tpi aku tolak sampai dia paksa aku, aku gaduh dgn dia. Masa birthday aku dia spend beratus ratus dkt aku utk tambat hati aku tapi sikit pun aku tak pernah heran. Sebab aku ada kau, kau je yg aku nak. Masa aku pergi london, aku sedih nk tinggalkan kl walaupun utk masa lebih kurang 10 hari sebab aku akan berjauhan dgn kau, and who promised that i'll come back? Apa apa je boleh jd kat atas tu dan aku boleh hilang kau bila bila masa.. sampai aku tk enjoy holiday aku.. aku menangis tk dpt dgr suara kau. Baru 10 hari tpi ldr boleh bt aku gila. Masa aku start internship; aku still cari kau ami. Org tu still ws aku ajak keluar sampai paksa paksa aku, tp aku tk pergi sebab aku tk rugi apa apa. Aku ada kau. Tu je yg penting. Tp time internship jgk start segalanya. Aku mula busy, kau mula busy. Tapi aku tetap amik masa utk call kau setiap malam. Busy mcm mana pun aku still ajk kau keluar. Sampai satu hri kita gaduh sebab aku dh penat nak aturkan semuanya. Aku realized that selama ni AKU SORANG JE YANG USAHA. Aku realized segalanya.. tp dalam masa yg sama, sebabkan sayang, aku masih usaha. Aku masih pendam. Aku masih tahan semua sakit dan perit. Tapi aku jugak manusia. Aku jugak lemah. Aku tak tahan. Dan sebabnya bukan lah kerana org yg ada utk aku.. sebabnya ada lah kerana diri aku sendiri. Sampai bila.. aku tnya sampai bila aku nak sakitkan diri aku utk org yg tak? Sebabkan masih sayang, aku bertahan. Aku masih bg peluang. Aku tahu aku salah sebab hati aku lemah. Aku thu aku salah.. tapi kau kena tahu.. aku salah sebabkan kesalahan kau. I made the wrong move because of your wrong move. Tapi aku tknak salahkan kau.. kau mesti dh bnyk sakit sebabkan aku.. aku just realized that kita sebenarnya tk faham diri masing masing. Tak faham dan tknak faham. Tak kenal. Takda hati. Aku masih sayangkan kau ami. Kau lah org yang paling aku yang sampai aku berhari hari sakit sebabkan kau. Smpi aku buat benda bodoh. Aku masih nak kan kau walau apa yg terjadi.. tapi aku tahu semua dah terlambat. Aku sayangkan kau ami. Cuma kau tk pernah nampak benda tu."

tewas

hari ini, aku tewas.
hari ini, aku bersujud dan aku tewas.

tuhanku,
yang maha mulia,
lagi maha pemurah..

adakah lagi ruang untuk aku dimaafkan atas segala dosa yang telah aku lakukan?
adakah lagi ruang untuk aku dimaafkan, selepas apa yang sudah berlaku?
aku menyesal. aku menyesal.

aku sangkakan aku kuat, tetapi aku tidak. hati aku disakiti, seperti ditikam bertubi-tubi.

selama ini aku diam, aku senyum, aku tawa, walaupun terpaksa.
tetapi hari ini aku tewas.

aku bersujud, lalu tanpa sedari,
berlinang air mata yang aku simpan selama ini..
aku lemah, aku tewas.

I MET GOT7????

Hey guys how are you! If you guys followed my twitter (@majimork / @sarahkhirs) you guys probably know what i am going through lol. I am just gonna make a disclaimer saying I do not or did not left my exo fandom just to those who are wondering. I just did a few changes for my main fandom and is currently being on rest mode/semi-hiatus on my exo fandom. I clearly dont think you guys need an exact reason why.

Enough with the serious talks, let’s jump right into the tittle. I met GOT7??? What????

Yes I did, and no I did not become a fan after I met them. I have left this blog for a long time and a lot of things happened; I went to Korea, I met got7 and etc. I had a few changes of likes like I mentioned earlier. I became a fan of got7 ever since their debut and only changing main fandom after I met them. Yea by know I would say they kind of.. wracked me lol.

It has actually been 5 months ever since I met them. It was during their music video filming in Malaysia and I met them for 2 days, on June 9th and 10th. So let’s start, shall we?

So it all began on a Sunday. I was actually on my way back from sending my brother back to college and it was a good 8 hours drive from KL. My friend send me a picture on Whatsapp saying that GOT7 is on their way to Malaysia (it was their preview at ICN) for a mv filming. You guys probably can guess how in panic I was.. It was a really pumped up situation lol. It was so sudden that they came. So sudden that I cant get my way to KLIA by the time they arrived. That night I felt so weak lol because it was announced that the mv is going to be filmed at Bukit Jalil, KL. I was already imagining me not going to meet them or even see them.

Oh I forgot to mentioned that all of this happened during our school holiday. (Nice timing JYP! Thanks!) That morning I woke up and scroll through Twitter. Some fans were already at BJ and it was said that they didnt see any signs of them at all. Suddenly a friend whatsapped me saying the shooting is actually at Shah Alam (a city near KL, takes 30-45 minutes of driving). I was freaking out so much because I live at Shah Alam. Like it was kind of crazy and awesome. Not wasting time I took my bath and get ready. (Just inserting this in, I was fasting that day).

It was so hard to get permission but I got it since it was near. Around 1pm my brother-in-law drove me to venue which is called Holy Smokes Cafe (the first location in the mv, it was not a set). It took me around 10 minutes to arrive. It was my first time going there and arriving, there were already a lot of bodyguards. So we decided to drive through a small alley (the alley they did a photoshoot for the 1st teaser picture and also their album cover) and not around the two blocks of stores. Reaching the end of the alley, I saw staffs and also a photographer taking a photo of someone. After driving a little bit more I saw Youngjae doing a photoshoot near an orange car (the individual teaser photo, only it was edited to black and white). I was already so excited inside the car I almost cried. We were so near and the only thing that was blocking us was me in the car lol. 

The people there were the staffs, coordi, photographer and bodyguards.



As you can see, there are an alley in between the two blocks. This was taken when I was near 99 Speedmart. And that was the oranger car Youngjae had a photoshoot at. And if you can zoom in, you might just see Jinyoung in a denim jacket with white stripe on the back!



Here was the teaser picture! Wished they didn't edited it to black and white tho :(

We parked and I decided to go to a group of fans and approached them. Who said you can’t go to meet your idol alone lol you would obviously make friends! We decided to walk to 99 Speedmart which is just behind the cafe. We stood there for good few minutes actually and it was so freaking hot. Like the weather was literally killing us. Not long after that Mark and I believe it was either Bambam or Yugyeom (I am really not sure I was only focused on Mark lol) came out of the store and peeked at us. They smiled and waves at us. Then they went back in. After few minutes Jinyoung came out and did a photoshoot like Youngjae did, also for the teaser picture. We were actually quite far. After that I had to rush to tuition. Arriving at tuition I actually didn’t know that I was like an hour early for it. So me being so freaking brave asked my friend, Farina if she could accompany me seeing then one more time and she said yes (she didnt regret it lol she becomes a fan right after she met them it was craaaazy). We went there with a taxi that we actually know the driver so it was quite easy. We went there and told the driver to wait for like 20 minutes lol. Then me and my friend walked to 99 speedmart again and meet my other friend, Kamy. We basically stood there for 15 minutes and saw nothing and it was so sad. Then the body guards moved us to other side of the road. So the cafe had like a seethrough glass so we can actually see them from across the road. They were basically playing in the cafe lol and Jinyoung waved at us (it was beautiful CRIES). Then it was time to head back to class :( Super sad.

That night me and Kamy were thinking so hard where could they be the next day. We thought of possible places and decided to just go to the possible places and if we are lucky enough, we would meet them. So the next day my mom dropped me and kamy off at a library and we called a taxi to go to the place. Our first rough guess was Extreme Park also known as Skate Park and we were right. When we arrived at skatepark we saw crew busses and lorries and the cool looking cars. It was raining so they had to delay the filming. It was 10am when we arrived and they start to come out at about 12:30pm(?) or so. Farina and another friend, Hariesa came after that. We waited and picked the perfect spot, Burger King. (Just inserting it here again, I was fasting lol) Which if you watched the mv for the outdoor shooting after the rap part and bridge, there was a Burger King at the back and yeah that was where we hung out for good.. 9 hours lol. At about 12:30pm we saw JB coming out from a bus and he was heading to Burger King with his manager. He entered and I was so shocked I was like what the hell why is he entering. My guy friend said “Hello, hyung!” in Korean and JB said hi back. JB took out his hand to shake my friend’s hand. I was really shocked lmao he then shook all of our hand such an angel ugh. Now JB’s hand is… soft lol. It was idk it was smooth and soft and it smelled nice. Yeah that is what I can described lol. Then after JB went to the toilet he came out and my friend who is being a shameful ass asks for another handshake he was like “JB, one more time!” and JB was like “Yeah~” and shook his hand. He then exits BK and said goodbye to us. Few minutes after that Mark came out and he was on his way to BK and I WAS SHAKING I WAS LITERALLY SHAKING SO MUCH. I just held my friend for the whole time. Nothing really special happened when Mark walks in but seeing him just makes everything special. He was basically glowing man istg. He had that warm smile on his face when I call him quitely I dont think people would hear it but he responded it with looking at me and gave a really warm smile. He was beyond adorable. I nearly cried lol he was so beautiful. After he came out of the washroom, my eyes were basically locked on him. He saw and he looked at me while smiling and I smiled back and he looked down while smiling shyly/he’s like he was embarassed and it was so cute man how to handle. After he did that I just laughed and look at him left BK.

This was our view for the whole time.



A selfie won't hurt, aye? Our excited face to meet the GOT7 boys!

Most of them came out and Jackson began his individual shooting rap part in front of the cars. He didnt make contacts with us obviously because he was filming. It takes a while for a member to give fanservice tbh lol. I think it was after he finished filming, he look at our side and we were waving. After that he waved and we were squealing so much and he prented to squeal as well it was so adorable… 

So we had this penny board because originally we were planning to skate as well. Then the mv staffs were discussing about the item they needed for some photoshoot and it stated that they need skateboard, basketball and I didnt quite remember what was the other one. They said they needed it for a photoshoot and looking back at it now it seems like it was for the photobook. They asked us where can they get those things and we told them. Because penny board is actually a bit expensive and our’s wasnt even original and it was RM200 so the staff decided to just borrowed our’s for the photoshoot. Without thinking other words we just said yes lol. So then he took it and he said he would give something as returned and turn out that the ‘something’ is actually the members signing the penny. Mark and Jackson was in a car and then Jackson saw the staff holding the pennyboard. He went to the staff and grab the penny from him. Then Jackson rode the penny and we were sobbing hard in BK lol. Then Mark took it from Jackson and rode it too. Then I think Mark asked whose penny was it so the staff pointed at us. Mark then showed us the penny and waved at us. (There was a fancam of this thank you to the one who uploaded it God bless you.)

The pennyboard end up being in their 1st Photobook in Malaysia, GOTCHA!



I believe Mark was asking about the pennyboard, at this point. The staff handing the pennyboard!

The 'gift' they handed us! The staff made the GOT7 boys to sign the pennyboard, we couldn't be any thankful! TT (Mark also left and "i love you", aw!)

They filmed the truck part first and actually they were playing so much on the truck lol. They were jumping and all but it came out so calm in the mv.They then had to take few takes for the ending part because it was really hot and the road tar made it worst. While they were on break Jinyoung went inside BK. He looked tired but he still smiled at all of us. Idk why but i think he was trying to have eye contact with all of us. Then Youngjae came in, he was so sweaty lol but he still looked so good. He smiled and bow at us. Not long after that, Yugyeom came in and he was so cute. To put in words Yugyeom is a really cute tall baby. His body is a bit big comparing to ther members and he’s really tall. His eye smile is so cute lol. When he came in he was actually sweating so bad but he smelled nice guys istg. He smell so nice like how??? I remember there was part where we called him by "Oppa~" and he looked at us shyly and he smiled. He was beyond cute. Then he went out. After that Mark filmed his part inside the yellow car for a few minutes lol the part came out only for a few split seconds in the mv. Then it was the ending, they finished filming I believe I was not quite sure. They went to the back (there’a KFC and Pizza Hut). I came out a bit late to say my goodbye(s) but I caught Mark’s attention again (yes slay). I waved and he waved back hehe. I then heard Youngjae sneezing really loud and ugly lmao at first I wasnt quite sure then my friend told me that it waa Youngjae. The last member(s) I saw was Jinyoung and Yugyeom sobs. That was actually the last time I saw them ㅠㅠ On the third day I actually went look for them but I couldnt find them. tTurn out they were at Shah Alam and they were really near my school.

The photoshoot near our school!





And we had to go there too, right? It was just a 2 minutes walk from our school!

I have a wonderful time with the boys, Thank you GOT7♡

Luhan.

우리 사랑하는 루한이. My beloved Luhan. I hope you are doing fine. I miss you. I miss you too much. It hurts that I had to part away from you because of the scandals, the conflicts, the fandom issues that have completely nothing to do with you. It maybe looks like I left you but to you that’s okay right? You probably don’t care about a single person leaving, when there’s millions more rooting for you. Supporting you as you grow bigger and becomes more sucessful. I’m sorry that nowadays, I’m not like that. I don’t root for you, I’m not supporting you, or even fangirl over your previews for TLPs. I remember just few months ago, I followed all the TLPs concert, willing to never log off my twitter until your solo comes out. But nowadays, I’m not even bothered by seeing your face on my twitter. And that bothers me. It’s making me hating myself, for not loving and supporting you. For not being there for you when everyone else is. It’s making me feel like I was not and am not a good fan of you. For two years, I struggle blood, sweat and tears to become the best fan you could ever get. But I failed. How could I do all that when I couldn’t even afford your album? When I can’t even go to see you performing in my country. And yet again, it makes me hate myself. Sometimes I think I’m really stupid. Like way beyond stupid. But I can’t excuse myself from becoming stupid because of my love for you. It’s just too strong. Thinking about it again, I never love someone for 2 years, 2 legit years. And I’m sorry that the love is slowly fading away. I remember when I promised to love you till the end of me, but now I’m afraid that the promise would slowly break. If one day I leave the fandom, or leave you, forgive me. Forgive me who have done nothing special to you, leaving you as I move to other people. The fan who give nothing to you except her love. The fan who always struggle to meet you, but fail as she keep trying. The fan who promised to be by your side forever, but ended up breaking it. The fan who love you, but slowly forgetting you. Althought it have not happen, yet the fan is sorry, I am sorry. If I could list all the possible reasons of what I’m sorry for, it’ll be way too much. But will you even know? The fan who you never see, knew or thought of her existence? Will you know how sorry she is and will you forgive her? No, of course. This is why I’m mad and so pissed at myself. Because after 2 years, I still haven’t see that beautiful face in front of me. That face that made me strong during my weak days, makes me happy during my sad days, and give me so much hope when I am giving up. But all that is fading away, and I’m trying my best to stay with it. I hope I would still be happy after seeing you, although it’s just through a picture. I still cry over you, I still think of you and I still hope for you to be fine and healthy. I still hope you will never get sick and get a lot of sleep. I know your job is hard, and that’s why us fans needs to be with you. That’s why I need to be with you. But I didnt. And once again, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry Luhan. I know there’s a lot of obstacles we have to go through together. I hope to never leave you, but I can’t promise you that. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I will do better. I love you.

A/N: I actually got really teary after writing this, I can't believe it has been over a month since he left.

A year.

Assalamualaikum.
A year. It has been a year or probably more than that. I am really proud and happy to say that I am starting anew. With the old posts being thrown of the dustbin, and so does the old me. I figured out that I was not much a teenage back then. I was more like a kid, wanting to grow up more and ended up regret because I was trying too hard. But anyways, that's not the point. I feel like starting this blog again since I have missed it so much. Throughout time there were a lot of things that I didnt expect to happened back then, happened now. Some are the things I'm grateful of, and some are the things I wish I can redo it all over again; eg: my pmr.

2013 was not much of a year I'm grateful of, but it was a year that I am most thankful to my friends and classmates who brings so much laugh to me throughout the years. Although there have been anger and tears between us, that didn't stop us to bond together, at least that is what I always think of. For a time period that I dont even know when, a group was estamblished to againts me. I am probably so naive and to put it in a rough way, stupid, didnt know that thing was coming. My love for them was that big till the part that I didnt know they would repay me like that.

But past, stays in the past. There sure have been some tears of laughters, tears of joy or tears of sadness but they give me great memories. I would say in 2014 the thing that made me happy was GOT7, my sister finally gave birth and Running Man. There are probably some others that I couldnt think of but as for now, that is all I could think of. A lot of people leaves though, my friends went to boarding school, my grandpa and uncle passed away, Luhan and Kris left EXO and Jessica left Girls Generation which all was a big impact on me. Well there's still a month and 3 weeks to go and so I am actually excited to see how this year is going on. Till then.

P/S: The next post will probably be about me meeting GOT7 or Running Man, dont know if you're excited about that but stay tuned!